Been busy, just not here

I haven’t written here lately because work has been taking off like wild fire, I’ve been traveling a lot and I’ve been writing on other blogs, including a new one: This Mommy Gig with two other women I met online at Twitter. We’re adding other women, too, and giving “working mom” perspectives from around the country. I am taking my mommy rants over there, as a) being responsible to someone else makes me do a better job and b) it’s more fun with a team.

You can also read me here:
Training4Dublin - my Marathon Training blog with my husband as we train for the Dublin Marathon in October 2008

Women For Hire’s Be Gutsy Blog - run by ABC’s contributing Workplace Editor, Tory Johnson (I’m “Balanced Woman”)

PerkettPR’s PerkettPRsuasion - my own company’s blog on PR, social media, technology, client, industry and agency news

Or connect with me here:

Facebook

Twitter

Linkedin

I’ll be back here if the mood strikes me and it’s a topic that doesn’t fit into one of these other blogs.

Thanks for reading and I hope to see you on the other sites, too.

Let ‘em off the Hook

From my Page-A-Day Calendar today - I like this:

Forgiveness is underrated. Quite basically, unless we can forgive, we can never really move on.

Good People Day - Papa, That’s You

I participate in a micro blogging site called Twitter (if you’re on, you can follow me @missusP). If you don’t know what Twitter is… and you want to learn more, you can read more in various blog posts, online articles or by simply typing “What is Twitter” into any search engine.

Anyway, one of the users I follow, Gary Vaynerchuk (@garyvee… better known as the Wine Library TV celebrity) has made an Internet plea for today to be “Good People Day.” I’m pretty skeptical about such things…but then I thought of one of the best people in the universe, my Grandfather. If we’re talking good people, I must share his story (which is a post I’ve been meaning to write anyway so this is a good push).

Everyone knows traditional marriage vows include “til death to us part” and “in sickness and in health.” Likewise, we know that today, few people actually keep these commitments (with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, sadly, these promises have become almost meaningless). My grandfather is a rare, focused and stubborn man who took these vows to a level of commitment few people ever know in their lifetime.

My grandmother was diagnosed with “dementia” (read: Alzheimer’s) in her mid 60s (just like her mother before her). My grandfather watched several heart-breaking years as this horrible disease crept up on her. She knew it at moments when she couldn’t remember her own address, her name, or how to get home. After it overtook her, he tried for many years to take care of her on his own. He had watched his mother-in-law go through a terrible nursing home experience that had soured him greatly.

If you are at all familiar with Alzheimer’s you will understand why he couldn’t keep this care up on his own. Eventually, with the help of family and friends, he did put her in a great nursing home. But, unlike many people in this world who dispose of ill loved one’s like they might drop of a dog at the pound… he remained present every single day.

Every day my grandfather, aka Papa, would arrive at the nursing home at 6 a.m. He would help my grandmother (aka Mimi) get dressed, brush her teeth, comb her hair, etc. He fed her breakfast, lunch and dinner. He made sure she got her “exercise,” took her outside for sunshine, read to her, painted her nails and spent every single day for over a decade taking care of her at the home. He put her to bed before leaving for the day and, although she didn’t talk, eat on her own or show any other signs of interaction, she always puckered up to kiss him back when he asked nicely.

This is not a typical arrangement. The hospital staff knew this and let him “do his thing” - awed by his love and dedication. He befriended many of them over the years - becoming a constant presence in their lives just as much as he was in Mimi’s. He’d teach them about his favorite subjects like jazz music, funny quotes and new books to read. He’d bring them gifts like CDs, flowers, books and more. He brightened not only the lives of my grandmother but everyone in that hospital, every single day.

The level of this dedication could often be misunderstood. Some worried that he spent too much time at the home.. not enough time focusing on his own needs. But this is what made him happy, this is what he promised to do. I know very few people that have upheld such promises in such a tremendous way.

My grandmother passed away in November 2006. My grandfather still goes to the nursing home on a regular basis to visit other patients, friends he’s made along the way, and even use the hospital gym.

I hope you will agree, that’s a good - no, great - person.

Life’s Little Pleasures

Mr. JP, all of 2-years-old, is providing pre-dinner entertainment by showing us how much he adores his Hot Wheels cars by kissing each and every one. My laughter in the background is genuine and adoring of his innocent happiness.

Thanks to my brother Brian for the photo.

Seize Life; It Goes Fast

Over the weekend I was digging around our basement when I came across some early photos of my (now) husband and I when we first met. As I perused the photos I thought about how much has happened in a decade. When we met, mobile phones were rare - although he had one, it was the size of a shoe and you can imagine how well it stayed connected. We were both young in our careers although a year after meeting, we both started our own companies. I still remember sitting on his bed (the only available space due to a roommate who was using the living room to host a new girlfriend) in a cramped apartment in Beacon Hill, writing a business plan with him and his partner. They eventually sold the company and I still run mine.

We’ve learned a lot since then, not only about business and technology, but about love, loss, relationships and new experiences like parenthood. We survived - and so did our companies - the dot com boom and the resulting bust. We’ve grown through two houses, three dogs, two children, three nannies and more than a dozen 18-hour drives to Michigan and Hilton Head. We’ve seen friends and family get married and sadly, divorced. We watched, terrified, the September 11 attacks in 2001 and we prayed every day, terrified, for my brother to return safely from his resulting Iraq deployment. We’ve cheered successes and commiserated over failures - but we always kept going. We’ve been to too many funerals, not enough parties and a fair share of vacations (with and without the kids - that is key!).

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Kidding around in 2001 - laughter keeps us going

Life comes at you fast. Sometimes, when you are caught up in the day-to-day stresses or monotony you can forget this fact. Relish every good moment, seize opportunity and go for what you want.

One of my favorite quotes is “When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.“ So today, if you’ve been wondering if you should “go for it” - do it. Before you know it, a decade will pass and you’ll be glad that you did.

Who Knew? Brighter is Not Always Better

Every May during our annual family vacation to Hilton Head, we have to turn off any ocean-facing lights off 9 p.m. The city requires this in respect to the nesting sea turtles, in an attempt to help the creatures flourish. Bright lights can confuse the turtles and cause them harm or an untimely death.

Interestingly, night lights are not only dangerous to sea turtles but to humans, too. A recent article in U.S. News & World Report highlights the dangers of a “bright night” - indicating that breast cancer is nearly twice as common in brightly lit communities as in dark ones, and that light pollution costs our nation about $10.4 billion a year.

In an effort to encourage others to pay attention to this growing issue, more than two dozen cities worldwide will dim their lights on March 29 in an hour-long demonstration. According to the article, Atlanta, Chicago, Phoenix and San Francisco will all join in the demonstration by turning off the lights of some notable landmarks, including the Golden Gate Bridge.

You can help alleviate light pollution and its harmful effects - such as disorientation to outdoor animals and hormonal disturbances in humans that can possibly fuel tumor growth - by turning off outdoor lights by 10 p.m. To read more about the possible harmful effects of bright nights and light pollution, visit U.S. News & World Report or the International Dark-Sky Association - a “non-profit member organization that teaches others how to preserve the night sky through fact sheets, law references, pictures, and web resources.”

Death and Forgiveness

I found out over the weekend that my Grandmother died. For many, a grandparent dying is not a big deal. Often it’s an excuse people use when they are lying about an absence in a college class or important work meeting - or even to gain sympathy in a reality TV show.

The death of my Grandmother signifies the end of many things for me. When my brother called to tell me, I was stoic. I hung up and I sat with it for a while. Then I cried.

I cried for the loss of a life. I cried that it made me think of my own vulnerability. I cried about the anger I’ve had toward her and have been carrying around for nearly 20 years. I cried that I had hung onto it for so long and didn’t forgive her while she was here. I cried for my father who has now lost his second parent and is conflicted with emotions due to a tumultuous relationship with his mother that affected his entire life - including his own children. I cried for many experiences lost and I cried for the good memories I did have - homemade Tapioca pudding, a dog named Tammy, a lakeside home and May Day celebrations (a lost tradition that she taught me about with May poles and May baskets - I remember the neighbors being quite perplexed when I went door-to-door at the age of 7 handing them out).

As I rearrange my work schedule this week and head West for the funeral, I think about what to wear. I laugh for a moment when I realize I’ll be wearing a business suit - because in a way it’s appropriate - the funeral is a business transaction for my soul. The relationship was complicated and many things were left unsaid and undone - memories that can’t be changed, conversations that will never take place.

The finality of death can jolt you. Many times only for a moment. Others for a lifetime. I think about the fact that I didn’t call her on Thursday when my parents told me Hospice had come…

Perhaps she will forgive me, wherever she is, as I forgive her… finally.

It’s a Dog’s Life

This photo of one of our beagles pretty much sums up the past week - everyone’s exhausted from a bout with the flu and the Thomas the Train collection has best been used as a head rest.

Love Your Life

Every other month or so I get together with a wonderful group of women who are in similar fields and own small businesses. The “PR Chix” are each others’ Board, executive team, shoulder to lean on and friends. We share ideas, wisdom, triumphs and heartache. Although I only see these women a few times a year, and always in a a mentor/mentee-type atmosphere, I love and rely on and respect them. Immensely.

At the last meeting we had, one of the women was talking about her summer and how she took some time for herself and spent a good deal of it surfing. She talked of her car full of sand and wet towels, and I felt like I was watching a movie. The other two talked about new romances, skiing, days at the beach and dating. They spoke of how they have both run marathons, international summer travels and going out in Boston.

It was so romantically glorious in my mind, picturing them all so carefree. I said to them, “Your lives are so interesting; you are so lucky, I never go anywhere.” They of course said, “Yeah, but we all want what you have.”

I am the only woman in the group who is married or has children. (Despite this, we have so much in common.) So when I hear of their lives I envy their freedom; when they hear of mine, they envy my stability/family.

When I came home, I told my husband of their adventures and how they all got to go to all these places all summer, had already run marathons (which I want to do), etc.

Boy did I feel dumb when he reminded me of all our travels in the previous year that I had forgotten to mention: San Francisco (All Star Game), Vegas (”Rocktober” with friends), Tampa/St. Petersburg (amazing stay at the Don CeSar Beach Resort with the kids) Hilton Head, Michigan, etc. - both with and without the kids.

And then, a few weeks later when he gave me this amazing gift (which had already been in the works), I felt even more dumb that I had not been more impressed with my own life to share it with my friends.

This is certainly a lesson I will never forget again.

Is my personal blog a threat to my career?

The hardest thing about this blog is that I am not sure who I am supposed to be and so … it’s kinda sucked, really. There’s always that little voice in my head saying: I-have-to -watch-what-I-say-and-am-only-supposed-to-show-a-certain-side-of-me and it-can’t-be-too-personal-because-clients/employees/stalkers-could-see-it; yet it’s hard to write when you are holding a bit of yourself back. In addition, I’m in PR and feel immense pressure that everything I do on-line is supposed to be about branding myself and my business. But I do that all day long… for others and for my own business. I do write about tech and business and the market - on my business blog where I promote, well, business. So do I have to do it here, too? All signs point to yes… I think. And that makes me write about really boring things.

I have toyed with just stopping this blog altogether. I started it simply because I love writing (secretly I’d love to have been a novelist and not a PR flack but life is what it is and hey, lo and behold I am good at what I do) and I wanted a venue that would help me practice without say, taking a second job as a stringer (I already have enough jobs as mom, wife and CEO). Why a blog you might ask? Why not just do my Morning Pages in my private journal and practice The Writer’s Life on my computer? Good question/s (not that you asked but let’s pretend that you did).

I like to be accountable to others. I find it motivates me (being accountable to so many may cause an early heart attack but I digress). And, I won’t lie - if I know someone is reading I a) like the feedback (most of the time) and b) feel responsible to write something if they are bothering to visit (not that a lot of people are reading, trust me, but again I just haven’t found a good groove yet, so really, who could blame them).

As I state in ” Why I’m Here,” sometimes I *gasp* want to think, write about and share things outside of my career focus. Is it possible? Am I jeopardizing myself/work? Will a client be frustrated with a personal view or judge my company’s ability to execute if I admit that in my personal life I enjoy plenty of stupid reality shows, sometimes have a hangover or flip-off-a-boat-piggyback-on-a-buff-ship’s-captain-while-on- vacation-in-Aruba?

So here’s my question… social media is supposed to be about “transparency,” which means if you are going to participate in it you are supposed to be honest about who you are and what our intentions are. Dare you have an agenda you better be up front about it. But what if I don’t have an agenda? I’m simply here for fun (I know, like there’s time for fun) - yet feel an agenda forced upon me. As a certain media-hungry-pseudo-celebrity recently said on The Apprentice, “People always say business isn’t personal - but business is always personal.”

So does that mean anything I write here on my “personal life” blog is subject to business scrutiny (yes) and - does that mean I shouldn’t do it (I’m unsure)? Opinions are welcome/encouraged/begged for.